How to Celebrate This Week’s National Days: October 16-22, 2016

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Oct. 16 – National Dictionary Day

Open a dictionary at random and slide your finger down a page until you reach a single word. Write that word down on a slip of paper, then repeat the process. When you’ve collected seven words, rip up the slips of paper and eat them. That night, dream of a snake that encircles the world, a storm of fire and ash, a river that flows only blood. Promise yourself you’ll go the gym more.

Oct. 17 – National Edge Day

Drink a nice glass of sparkling water and have a frank and productive day.

Oct. 18 – Chocolate Cupcake Day

Bake a dozen chocolate cupcakes. Decorate each cupcake with a face and give each cupcake a name. Arrange the cupcakes in an intimate but unimposing circle in your living room. Allow each cupcake to share how it’s been affected by your problematic behavior. Do your best to listen and understand without getting defensive. Come to a deeper understanding not only of yourself, but also chocolate cupcakes.

Oct. 19 – Hagfish Day 

Google the hagfish. Watch a video about hagfish slime. Learn about the potential culinary and scientific applications of hagfish slime. Seriously, this stuff is pretty incredible. The ocean is full of wonders!

Oct. 20 – Get Smart About Credit Day 

Get smart About Credit Day was founded by the American Bankers Association. Doesn’t that sound like a trap? Go to your local bank and ask a banker if this is a trap. While you’re there, take as many free pens as your pockets can hold. Now who’s smart about credit?

Oct. 21 – Reptile Awareness Day

BEHIND YOU!

Oct. 22 – National Nut Day

Head to the bulk bins in your grocery store and procure several pounds of mixed nuts. Return home. Make a trail of nuts leading through your back yard and up onto your windowsill. Wait for the squirrels to come. Prepare tiny, handsewn squirrel outfits for your new friends. Plan the merry adventures you’ll have together. Wait forever.

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