National Tooth Fairy Day – August 22, 2017

How to Celebrate National Tooth Fairy Day

Ask yourself why we lie to children. Is it to soften the eventual realization that life is full of pain and sorrow? Is it to manipulate them into specific, preferred behaviors? What would happen if we were honest with children?

Today, find out.

Assemble a group of children, preferably pre-teens of prime tooth-losing age. Tell them that the tooth fairy does not exist. Tell them that their parents slip into their bedrooms while they’re sleeping and replace their lost teeth with currency.

Explain that this behavior is not unusual and is, in fact, a tradition that has persisted for centuries, likely as a means of comforting children as they begin to recognize their own mortality and the continuous process of decay that is existence.

Encourage the children to turn the situation to their financial advantage. Supply each child with a Ziploc bag full of discarded human teeth. Teach them to pace out their distribution – i.e., how frequently they “lose” these teeth – to avoid suspicion.

Send the children on their way – happier, healthier, more cunning and opportunistic, and, possibly, better prepared for life.