Tag: trail mix

National Cheeseburger Day – September 18, 2017

Raise a proud middle finger to the cheeseburger industrial complex by treating yourself to an entire bucket of fried chicken. Finish the chicken in a single sitting while watching reruns of the classic American crime drama Hunter. Become enamored of Hunter star and former NFL defensive end Fred Dryer. Print a photograph of Fred Dryer’s face and adhere it to your now empty chicken bucket. Using pillows, a broomstick, duct tape, and old clothes, fashion a Fred Dryer “body” and secure it to your Fred Dryer bucket...

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National Trail Mix Day – August 31, 2017

Resolve to leave the civilized world behind. You are a danger to yourself and others.

But first, stop for supplies.

Find a sporting and/or outdoor goods store. Avoid eye contact and conversation with any of the shop’s staff or your fellow customers – head down and hooded at all times.

Fill your cart with trail mix. Also: a tent, a sleeping bag, an emergency radio, water purification tablets, eight pairs of socks, eight pairs of underwear, three changes of clothes, hiking boots, a sun hat, a camp stove, a lantern, a compass, a hunting knife, a multi-tool, duct tape, climbing ropes, sunscreen, various toiletries, and a backpack (or two) to hold everything...

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