9/11 – National Pet Memorial Day
Pore over old photos of pets you’ve loved and lost. Miss them terribly, but mostly remember the good times and all the fun you had together. Make a donation to your local animal shelter. Pet a doggie. Scritch a cat beneath its chin. Wave at a fish. Dance like a chicken.
9/12 – National Video Games Day
At lunch, meet a friend for some frosty chocolate milkshakes. Head to your local arcade (they still exist!) and exchange all the cash you have for tokens/quarters. Play all the games. Wash down fistfuls of Pixy Stix with your favorite soda. Spin in a circle. Lie on the floor. Wonder how you ever got to be so old.
9/13 – National Peanut Day
Construct your own Mr. Peanut costume. Wear it to work. When people speak to you, do not respond. Instead, offer a handful of unpackaged, shelled peanuts pulled from your pockets. If someone in your office has a peanut allergy, replace real peanuts with styrofoam peanuts. Tip your top hat as you dance away.
9/14 – National Cream-Filled Donut Day
Bring several dozen cream-filled donuts to work today. Invite your colleagues to share, but only allow them partake if they can answer trivia questions about the history of the doughnut. Be a stickler about it. At the end of the day, take home all the uneaten donuts and build a mountain out of them on your kitchen table. Proclaim yourself sovereign of doughnut mountain. Fashion a crown from pipe cleaners and tinsel. Reign for a thousand years.
9/15 – National Double Cheeseburger Day
Get into a heated argument about the best cheeseburger in America. Make a friendly wager with your combatant and agree to take a 30-day road trip together, touring the nation’s hamburger joints. On day five, realize you’re not so different. On day 10, share stories from your childhood. Day 15, lean in for a conspiratorial whisper and linger a little longer than normal. Day 20, fall in love. On day 30, agree that the double cheeseburger at Holeman & Finch Public House in Atlanta is best.
9/16 – National Play-Doh Day
Visit your local kindergarten and ask if you may play with their Play-Doh. When they say no, visit a toy store to purchase your own. Return home to fashion your dream family out of the colorful clay – a mom, a dad, siblings, a best friend, a dog, and a cat. Create a series of stop-motion videos around your Play-Doh family. Become Internet famous. Find out that, although money can’t buy happiness, it can buy a lot of really cool stuff.
9/17 – National Big Whopper Liar Day
Reflect on all the lies you’ve ever told. Determine which was the “biggest” – longest lasting, most outlandish, most obvious. Using string, pushpins, and a free wall in your house, document – TV-detective style – your lie’s impact on the people around you. Marvel and despair at your own deceit. But, hey, cool wall art, guys.