National Relaxation Day – August 15, 2017

Whatever you had planned today, cancel it. No work. No nothing.

Open the windows. Put on your favorite playlist. Make a cup of tea. Sit in your favorite chair and curl up with a book. If the book gets boring, nap. When you wake, stretch, yawn, and stretch some more.

Pack a picnic lunch. Take a walk around the park. Find a shady spot beneath a tree. Throw down your blanket, get settled, and tuck into a sandwich.

A line of ants will appear. They’ll mean you no harm; they’re just here for the crumbs. Wave at the ants. Say hello.

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National Creamsicle Day – August 14, 2017

Begin writing advice on how to celebrate National Creamsicle Day. Suggest the reader purchase a large quantity of Creamsicles, pack them in a cooler, and drag the cooler to an open mic night. When it’s their turn on stage, suggest the reader stand at the mic, wordlessly eating a Creamsicle until the joke on its stick is revealed. Tell them to read the joke aloud to the audience. Tell them to continue eating Creamsicles, repeating the process until all Creamsicles are consumed or they are forcibly removed from the premises. Mentally congratulate yourself for coming up with yet another clever bit of nonsense.

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International Left-Handers Day – August 13, 2017

If you’re a left-handed person, congratulations: today is your day. Demand acknowledgment from your friends, family, and peers. The world is a more challenging place for you and the 15% of the population who are your brethren. Statistically speaking, puberty starts 4 to 5 months later for you lefties, your average lifespans are 9 to 14 years shorter than righties, and spiral notebooks exist simply to ruin your life...

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National Garage Sale Day – August 12, 2017

Hop in your car and cruise your town’s ritzier neighborhoods for a garage sale.

Protip: garage sales are sometimes referred to as “estate sales,” particularly when associated with negative life events such as divorce, bankruptcy, or death. So, bonus points for the opportunity to ghoulishly pick over the remains of another person’s life.

Find an estate sale, park your car, and make your way through the one man’s trash that may soon be your treasure. As you peruse the goods, imagine how the items fit together to tell the story of their previous owner’s life – a collection of commemorative thimbles, the complete Jim Nabors’ discography, a burlap sack of human hair...

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National Book Lovers Day – August 9, 2017

Visit your local library and wander the stacks searching for your favorite books. When you find one, whip out a piece of scratch paper and scrawl a little note – something brief, but poignant – about how much the book meant to you. Tuck the note into the book’s pages and return it to its shelf.

Continue this process until, while leafing through the pages of another favorite, you happen upon a note from someone else...

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