Skip out on work today and take a road trip to the nearest lighthouse. Once there, demand to see the lighthouse keeper. You will know him immediately by sight – a tall man with a full, but well-kept beard, a stern face with bright eyes grey like the sea, blue like the sea, fickle like the sea. His eyes are very sea-like is what we’re saying.
Fall in love…
Spend the day fretting over your breath. Is it fresh? Is it clean? Does it offend in any way? Cup your hand to your mouth. Huff a bit. Take a sniff. What does your breath smell like? Coffee, cigarettes, beer, toothpaste? What was the last thing you ate? When was the last time you ate? Where are you, exactly?
Wear some underwear. Wear it under your clothes. Wear it over your clothes. Wear it on your head. Wear it on your feet.
Don’t wear underwear. Neither under, nor over your clothes. Neither on your head, nor on your feet.
Do as you like. How you dress is no one’s business but your own.
Visit your local purveyor of adult beverages and purchase a case of beer from each of the 193 member states in the United Nations. Rent a conference room at the nearest airport Hilton. Invite friends, family, and colleagues to participate in a Model UN of your own devising…
Stuff your pockets with assorted nuts of your choosing. Throughout the day, in the middle of any conversation, reach deep into your pockets and proffer your companion a handful of body-warmed, unwrapped, pocket nuts. Should they accept, know that your conversation partner is a dear friend and true. Should they refuse, immediately toss the nuts into their face and flee the scene. A person who refuses pocket nuts is no friend of yours.